Spoken to

So who says homeschool is learning only for the student?  Not me.  Actually I really never thought that.  I know that homeschooling is not only an educational process for both student and teacher (parent and child) but a pruning process where the Lord draws out the dirt and refines us by getting rid of it.  This happens quite often with both Corbin and I.  If it didn't happen often I would be concerned.  After all, we are humans, not perfect and in great need of purification.

The other day I was trying to get all of our morning chores done so that we could start school.  It wasn't going quite as I had planned but we were getting closer and closer to being done and starting school (at around 10:30am).  Honestly, a lot of mornings don't go the way I plan or hope but I have learned to take it with a grain of salt.  Most days I can go with the flow there.  Even on this day I was doing fine.

Then...
Cody started having meltdown.  He ended up falling and banging his head on my bedside table. He got a bleeding wound with a big goose egg on his forehead. The worst fall he has ever had.  He started sobbing and I was feeling horrible and panicked because he might have really hurt himself.  Corbin immediately wanted to console his brother which was so sweet.  He loves him so much.  When Corbin consoles though he can smother a bit and frustrate Cody and then I can't see Cody to help him. I asked him politely to get back.  No really, I WISH I did that. Instead I told him "Go!"  I immediately felt convicted.  In my mind I thought, "I will deal with that later."

Back to tending to Cody, I realized that I needed to put ice on his head.  I asked Corbin to go get a washcloth for me and he struggled with the request.  Partly because of how I said it and partly because he wasn't listening very well.  We are working on this.  He came back after about thirty seconds with no washcloth.  Cody is still sobbing and I started getting ticked.  At this point I raised my voice to a level that was totally unnecessary but it felt good.  I mean my goodness I was giving into my fleshly side.  That usually feels good - temporarily.  Then as soon as I closed my (detestable) mouth I felt convicted.  I thought "I will deal with that later."  Back to tending to Cody.

After a few more minutes things got back under control but the damage had been done.  Corbin was peeking around the corner from another room. 

Just typing this makes me sad.  I failed.  I hurt someone I love so much.  We all do it at one point or another.  This scenario has happened to any mom out there at one point or another.  I am not saying this to comfort myself or rationalize my behavior but to state how normal this is. The chaos of certain moments and the lack of control.  It happens.

The reason I am being so candid is because shortly after these moments I was spoken to.

For the record - before we started school I did talk to Corbin about my behavior and my failure and apologized asking for his forgiveness.  We then sat down to do school and prayed together and in front of him I openly confessed my sin to the Lord and asked Him for forgiveness.  After all, this is what I expect of Corbin when he sins and makes mistakes so it was a perfect opportunity to show that example.

Then....
we started phonics and this was the phonics card we were studying that day:

C.O.N.V.I.C.T.I.O.N

Do you see that verse? The Lord picks the perfect times to speak to us through is word.  Through this verse (Psalm 141:3) I was able to get a bit further into depth about what had happened but more importantly what I need to ask of the Lord.  We also related it to him in times that he may let his tongue get out of control.  It was all a teachable moment for myself and for him.

This is what I mean when I say "Life is school."

I am not proud of my behavior.  It humbles me to know how much I need a savior.  It makes me grateful to know that I serve a loving, forgiving and merciful God. I am thankful that I was spoken to by my heavenly father who wanted to teach me through is word.  Praise Jesus!